How To Be More Confident…Begin with Trust and Forgiveness

Like to be more confident?  Then take a step back and begin on your foundations.

Confidence is the outward appearance of knowing, liking and trusting yourself. The ability to trust yourself comes after we forgive ourselves for poor choices in the past.

Forgiveness + Trust = Confidence

We have all done things we are not proud of and wish to have our time again to straighten things out.  But that isn’t how life works. When we reflect on why we did that thing, we may blame poor judgment or circumstances, but it still came from us.

It’s easy to wonder, ‘well if I fucked that up, what’s to say my judegment can be trusted not to do it again?’  We can lose faith in our ability to ‘get it right’.  Confidence is hard to come by when we no longer trust ourselves.  Doubt and second guessing show up all too often, which leaves us feeling conflicted and unwilling to take the next step.

The next step might be, committing to a new habit, taking the opportunity that is right in front of you, being open to connecting with new people, or pausing to review your options ( yes pausing is a next step).

It takes confidence  to take that next step and know you’ll survive. Without it we are left stagnant and in a state of flux.

So if it sounds like repair is needed, you’ll find it in forgiveness.

Forgiveness:

Take the time to forgive yourself for the fuck ups.  Just like you would a friend or child.  You know we all make mistakes, why should you shoulder the burden of being perfect? No one else is.

• Acknowledge your mistake
• Allow yourself to feel the emotions related to it
• Take responsibility 
• Make amends if needs be
• Be compassionate to yourself

Trust:

We can’t trust what we don’t know, it’s an impossible task.  So begin to build trust by getting to know yourself.  

• What do you like?  
• What are you good at? 
• What are your strengths?
• What are your non-negotiables?
• What do you dream of doing?
• How do you like to work?
• What pisses you off?
• Where do you find your joy?

From knowing we build the ability to like.  You don’t need to be madly in love with yourself to create confidence, but it helps if you like the person you are getting to know.

• Pay yourself a compliment when things go well
• Acknowledge your role in good things around you
• Speak to yourself like you would a friend
• Smile at yourself when washing your hands in the bathroom

Confidence is born when you can trust your gut.  When you know what you offer, are about to say, is valuable to you and others.  Confidence doesn’t take away nerves or erase all doubt but it does mean that you can take all those things on board and know them for what they are.  They are your inner warning system only, not your driving system.  You can acknowledge them and then take the next step , safe in the knowledge that you have your back.

One of my favourite sayings is “She leapt and built her wings on the way down.”

Trust is knowing you have the capacity and resources to build what you need when you need it.  Confidence is using that knowledge.

Loretta

Listen to some trust and confidence chat on the latest Happy Chicks Collective Podcast HERE!