How to Take The First Step in Getting Unstuck

Work out what you want more of.

It’s a question I ask my clients because it is important, but it’s not always easy to answer.

Some will say, “Not this shit!”. This is actually a helpful answer and often a great place to begin.

Firstly you might be wondering why it matters. What does it matter what we want when it feels like we hardly ever get it.  In a nutshell it’s because we tend to get what we focus on and we can use our focus to leverage our happiness .

While this may be the case I know for some, working out what to focus on and detailing what we want can take some time and energy, so let’s dive in.

How To Work Out What You Want

As we said above we can begin with what we don’t want.  

Go ahead and make a list of the things that currently piss you off about where you are at.

What are the things you are ready to leave behind?

You may list down: feeling lonely, not speaking up when you have a good idea, being tired all the time, being snappy and grumpy, feeling let down or guilty of your past behaviour.

What else would you put on the list? Try and get 10 things nutted out.

Why 10?

The first one or two will come quickly. They float on the surface and often are our hot buttons.  When we experience them we can go off like a firecracker, but there will be others below the surface.  These can be the root issues and it’s worth unearthing them now.

Your list might look a little like:

  • Lonely
  • Biting Tongue
  • Exhausted
  • Grumpy
  • Frustrated
  • Guity
  • Stressed
  • Anxious
  • Unhappy
  • Bores
  • Disappointed

It’s useful to acknowledge where we are and it helps us get a reading on what we would like more of.

The new direction is just the positive of the things that piss us off.

  • Lonely now becomes connected
  • Biting tongue becomes confident
  • Exhausted becomes energised
  • Grumpy becomes pleasant
  • Frustrated becomes ease
  • Guilty becomes compassionate
  • Stressed becomes productive
  • Anxious becomes calm
  • Befuddled becomes clear
  • Unhappy becomes happy
  • Bored becomes passionate
  • Disappointed becomes proud

This is just my list and your positive side may read differently but you get the idea.

Take your 10-12 words and write them out.  See them together and add any others that now rise to the surface.  Circle the ones that are most important.  

This is the answer to the question, what do you want more of?

A last note: do you notice that each of the things that piss us off relate to our behaviour?  That is because this is the area in our life we have control over and we can change.  We aren’t listing down that we are pissed off with our lazy partner who doesn’t pick up his socks, or the boss who doesn’t value our opinion.  These may be hugely annoying and impact us greatly but we get to begin with what we can control.  Once that is in place then we can look at what we can influence.

Make sure to listen to my Happiness Gem about getting unstuck HERE!


It’s time to explore new ways to bring more connection,
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