Who’s in Charge?
I think one of my favourite sayings as a teenager was “You’re not the boss of me!”
To be honest I was a very compliant teen and this was only ever uttered in my head towards my parents or older siblings!
From early years we love to think we are in control of ourselves and others input is not needed – we are in charge of ourselves.
My question then becomes, who is driving your bus? Who is in charge of you? Who’s calling the shots? Who has their hands on the steering wheel? Too many analogies ?? Possibly!
In essence we are in charge of ourselves and if you have ever tried to influence and change someone else’s behaviour you’ll know this already.
We can’t control others and they can’t control us, we are governed by our internal drivers.
So let’s take a look at these.
My sister first introduced me to the phrase Itty Bitty Sh*tty Committee (IBSC). The term used to describe the, at times, negative thoughts that bump around in our heads. Sometimes it can feel like they are on your shoulder, whispering and snipping about all the things you should have done better and why you didn’t. Such a blessing right??
We all have this self appointed committee and even though we might want to silence and rid ourselves of them they are here to stay. So let’s chat about what we can do to dilute their message and impact.
Many of us go with the avoidance and distraction methods when it comes to dealing with the committee. I used these techniques and while they can be effective in the short term, they aren’t a long term option.
Avoidance and distraction can look like filling every waking hour with a to-do list. Being busy and at the beck and call of others means we haven’t got time to tune into the nagging voice. Shopping, drinking, gambling, anything to excess helps numb the voice but when that activity is finished the voice still remains.
The goal in life isn’t about ridding ourselves of the committee, but rather diluting the hold it can have on us and seeing them for what they are, our fears, insecurities and shame playing the same worn tracks over and over.
We get to decide who we want in charge. Something that brings us down and keeps us in patterns that no longer serve us or thoughts that build us up and remain open to seeing a bigger perspective.
We can dilute the power of the IBSC by doing some of the following:
- Notice when they begin to ‘go to town’. Recognise when stories of negativity begin to ramp up and say to yourself….”Ahh that’s interesting.”
- Attribute names, characteristics or personas to your committee. This starts to enable you to see them and for you to put some space between you and them.
- Thank them for their contribution. Tell them that you’ll take it from here but they have been heard.
You are in charge and have always been, but when we can live with greater intention about acting in ways that aligns with who we want to be, then life begins to shine.